You Don't Stand A Ghost Of A Chance...

GHOST – “Opus Eponymous” CD ’10 (Rise Above, Swe) – I usually have a pretty even disposition but I have points where it doesn’t take a whole lot to piss me off, especially when it’s something friggin’ stupid. Case in point, a lot of the reaction I’m reading on this here internet thang about Sweden’s GHOST. Ok, I’d better stop to interject about something specific that gets my gonads in a bind: whining. I hate fucking whiners. Take my kids for example. They can fight with each other, basically stage another Tyson-Douglas bout in the middle of the living room and I barely register a reaction. But let them start that blessed whining! “Daaaaadddyy! (Insert kid name here) just took my PSPeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!” At that point, look out. Somebody’s gonna be wearing the damn PSP as a new nose ring and it ain’t gonna be me! But back to reality…I’m on the net, surfing around like a 16 year old and all I hear is this Goddamn infernal whining about GHOST. “Daaaaaaaaaaddyy! They don’t have a line-up listeeeeed!” “Daaaaaaaaaaddddyy! They came out of nowhereeeeeeeeeeeee!” “Daaaaaaaaaadddyyy! It’s not faaaaaaiiiirrr! I think they’re Devil’s Blood under another naaaaaaaaamme!”

Shut up! Shut the hell up! You want to know my take on it? Here it is! Shut up and stop the stinking whining! I don’t care if it comes out that the band is really composed of David Coverdale, Slash, Dave Mustaine, Geezer Butler and Jason Bonham! Look at me and read my lips…is the album good? Yes. Is the album great? Yes. Is the album amazing? YES!!! This is very simple people. I’ve been listening to music since the 1960’s and it doesn’t have to get complicated. You put on an album. If it’s good, it’s good. That’s it, that’s the bottom line. Don’t let it get out of the box on ya! The Count dude from Burzum is a murderer. However, if he makes good music, it’s good music. I don’t know Chad Kroeger but it’s possible that he may be a really cool guy, even if his music licks donkey balls. Do you get my point now? If the friggin’ record’s good, it’s good. And I really don’t think GHOST are murderers or include Whitesnake members. They just kick ass.

GHOST have done an awful lot of things very right on this debut disc and for that reason, I’ve probably played it 100 times since I first received it about a month ago and may double that total soon. I mean, wow, this sucker sounds like a cross between mid-period Blue Oyster Cult and Mercyful Fate. The vocals are melodic, a page right out of the Turner / Powell Wishbone Ash book and the guitars just kill with an analog sweetness that screams “Stained Class / Killing Machine.” Putting the icing on the cake is the most important factor of all, the songs. Each one is in the compact 3-4 minute range and laced with so much melody that you’ll be rushing to the ER after one spin to have multiple hooks removed from your brain. The thing that gives “Opus Eponymous” such an edge is the fact that these very same melodies are married to lyrics that are as militantly Satanic as any ever forged by the mighty King D. It’s not only an interesting dichotomy, but an idea that hasn’t been used with such cool-handed efficiency since Coven’s debut in 1969! Add in the fact that this beauty is the length of an album(!) (38 minutes) and not a typically-bloated, over-stuffed CD and what you have on your hands is an absolute bona fide winner. So do me a favour: don’t piss me off. Buy this SOB now. Don’t Be Scared Ray Dorsey