Saturday, April 3, 2010

Damn, My Fingers Are Stuck In The Strings

JOE PERRY – “Have Guitar, Will Travel” CD ’09 (Roman, US) – One thing I’ll tell you right away, I’m no insider. I mean, hey, all the stuff going on with Aerosmith, Tyler being thrown out, you hear all kinds of stories. Magazines & blogs are full of all kinds of shit: Stephen’s been ousted because he relapsed and the rest of ‘em are squeaky clean; other members are using also; Perry’s girlfriend is running the band. Jesus, who even cares, you know, the last good album they put out was “Done With Mirrors,” right? So I’m hearing maybe this JOE PERRY solo record might be something and then I listen and realize that I’ve just gotta say something. This dude must be one of the most criminally OVER-rated guitar players of all time. Look at the picture of him on the cover! Damn, it looks like this dude is playing the lead at the end of “Three Mile Smile” there (but wasn’t that Jimmy Crespo, anyway, if you believe more of the stories?) Then you look at the back…more PERRY guitar hero poses. And every time you see this joker in a magazine, he’s all fashioned-out in the same heroin-chic duds he was sporting in 1977. Thing is, you then play this album and it sucks. Sounds like drum machines on the first song and a lame-ass speed-up part at the end to ape the live version of “Train….” 2nd song is a patched together one-ball take on the already-over-played classic rock staple, “Same Old Song & Dance.” Let’s see, what’s next? “Do You Wonder” is and now the song matches the clothes, a crappy try at replicating the Stones’ country-smack-genius on “Sticky Fingers.” Everywhere you turn, there’s just more mediocrity and, unfortunately a wealth of sloppy, lousy guitar playing. Cringe your way through “No Surprise.” The hideous talk-box slide here makes George Thoroughly-Bad sound like Brother Duane. Like I said, I don’t know what’s going on in the Aerosmith camp these days but then again, with one of it’s chief protagonists cranking out pablum like this, who the fuck cares. Have Guitar, Will Play It Badly

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